Relax Yourself with these

They say laughter is the best medicine so "Relax Yourself with these."

Recently in Florida, USA, a 47 year old man by the name of Carlos Gutierrez was arrested after making false 911 to police because the casino's slot machines had 'stolen his money'.
He not only called 911 from the casino he was in, but also again from outside the casino and hotel.

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and says, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?" The pharmacist asks, "You mean aspirin?" "That's it, I can never remember the word."

I got tired of treasure hunting, so I sat down on a big chest on top of a giant "X

Light travels faster than sound, that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

You are so fat, you rented a 250-foot long limo, sat in the back and squished the poor driver.

Mistakes are made from time to time. Without them, some of us would have never been born!

"Doctor, I have a memory problem!" The doctor says, "When did it start?" "When did what start?"

Two Horses were watching an air-show, so one horse says to the other "WOW..! How could that thing go soo fast !!!?? to which the other one replies " you'd know why if your tail was on fire.."

Doctor: "I have good news and bad news." Patient: "What's the good news?" Doctor: "You have 24 hours to live." Patient: "What's the bad news?" Doctor: "I should have called you yesterday!"

A blonde wanted to apply for job as a detective. She went into the station to apply, and the sergeant said, "I will need to ask you a few questions." "What is 2+2?" The blonde said, "4." "What color is the sky?" The blonde answered, "Blue." "Who shot Lincoln?" The blonde said, "I don't know." The officer said, "When you find out come back and tell me." So the blonde went home. Her roommate asked her if she got the job. She said, "As a matter of fact I did, and they put me on a case already!"

A very religious man fell into the quicksand. Firefighters come by and offer to help, but he says, "No, God will help me." Next come the police, they offer to help. Again the man says, "No, God will help me." He then sinks in the quicksand to his death. In heaven, he asks God why he didn't save him. God says, "What about the firemen and police I sent?"

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

A couple is lying in bed. Man: "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." Woman: "I'll miss you."

Man to Veterinarian: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes into the corner."Vet: "That's OK, he's a boxer."

A woman says to a man, "Make me feel like a real woman." The man says, "Here, iron this."

There was a knock on the door, and I answered it, but all that was there was a snail. I picked it up and threw it into the street. Two weeks later, another knock on the door. I opened the door and it was the snail again. The snail says, "What was that all about?"

Linkbar